Mommie’s Day

Everyone always talks about how great their mom is but MY mom is the best in the world so, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah!  My mother brought 6 children into this world, 5 without an epidural if you must know.  She raised us to be smart, confident and talented individuals and it’s totally not her fault that this didn’t happen, she tried god bless her.  She taught us to share, be kind and humble, how to yell at grocery store clerks and that getting old sucks.  I think her exact words were, “I used to have the most amazing legs…”.   She is strong, selfless, Italian and therefore can chase a bad child down a narrow hallway with a wooden spoon while rocking a Vidal Sassoon haircut. Sadly, I inherited my father’s passion for vodka, fried potatoes, a flat nose and somehow escaped getting any of his extreme IQ genes or patience (and where did I learn to curse like a sailor?) I CAN still bust a move though, does that count for anything?

My mother is now 86 yrs. old and the sassiest, smartest, bridge-playing, bingo and hot dog selling, sequin wearing, beautiful lady in the world.

Happy Mother’s Day little lady, you’re the best.

Looking back

It’s been 4 months now since I’ve been back in the States.  Ken is going back and forth, keeping me updated on the pollution readings, the near-misses with scooters on the sidewalks, the odd stomach issues and seeing our much loved friends and coworkers.   To my chagrin, he hasn’t been back to El Coctel since I left but I guess since I’m the lush in the family that fact only bothers me.

I’ve been going back and forth to NY getting our  apartment set up as well as grocery shopping and eating out at fabulous restaurants.  It’s amazing how at the check out stand or when the bill arrives from the server how hard I have to work at keeping my eyeballs from popping out of my head.  Lord…have…mercy. it would just be more convenient to throw the money out the taxi window.   Anyway, I’m back and by that I mean the obsession to have the TV on in every room has come back in full force.  For 3 years in China I barely turned that thing on and now I’m sitting in my kitchen watching the Housewives of Orange County in HD wondering if it would help to put some makeup remover on the screen.  I get confused sometimes because I don’t know whether I’m watching Shahs of Sunset, Toddlers and Tiara’s or Murder I.D., it all blends together.   Then I remembered I was in the land of free and home of the brave and turned that crap off and went straight to the gym to work on my thighs.

Speaking of looking back, it’s been ten years since I’ve seen my best friends from high school.  We had a little dinner party and these “kids” just get better and better and better. (side note: it hasn’t been 10 years since high school, I know you’re doing the math, it’s been 10 years since WE’VE SEEN EACH OTHER!)

I love you all very much.

An Education

I’ve talked about my young, Chinese friend, Kiwi, before.  She was my neighbor in Shanghai and in the last two years spending time together, Ken and I have become her American aunt and uncle.  Recently she was accepted into NYU, Cornell, USC and UCLA and waiting to hear from others.  I was so excited about this because either coast means I’ll be able to spend time with her.  I actually thought USC would be a great school because the class sizes are smaller than the other schools and I met one of the Medical school professors (who is also Chinese) and he said he would help her get settled.  In our last conversation, Kiwi expressed concerns about the violence issue in America and was it true that every person has a gun?  I actually had the nerve to chuckle at this a bit but did let her know that yes, we do have a lot of gun violence (although I didn’t admit to having the highest rate of gun violence of any developed nation) but that she didn’t need to worry about it.  And then the news came about two USC grad students from China who were shot in their car just outside of campus, believed to be a car-jacking gone wrong.  Damn it America.

Kiwi will be going to Cornell.

Girl’s night out at Toscana Bar for the “Two Maries and Two Evas”…minus one Eva.

Only in China

While I spent the day hiking in the California mountains, in the snow no less, a Chinese woman (who looks 25 but is actually in her 40′s) decided it was time to get on the Beijing subway, strip her 14 year old body down to her red laced skivvies and pole dance.  Oddly, the best part of this video is the men who manage to sleep right through this mess.  Besides needing a little more upper body strength, I give her a 10 for putting herself in harms way.  Who knows how many germs were on that pole.

click here: Subway stripping makes it’s debut

Trudy Duty

Animal story #3,650.  Jenny was coming back from Bakersfield a week ago (which is weird enough in itself) but we have a friend Mendy who drag races and Jenny went to see her race so there you have it.  While driving around Bakersfield, she sees a limping puppy about to head straight onto the road.  She and her friends stop the car, call to the puppy and  she limps straight over to the car, jumps in and starts licking everyone.   Skipping over the last week and a half of dog stories, Trudy, as she’s been annointed, has been diagnosed with a broken elbow and will be having surgery in the next week.  The doctor said she’s been living with it like this for some time, is in pain but you’d never know it, she’s 6 months old, underweight but otherwise healthy and is going to be fine.  Jenny will be fostering her until we find the right home.  She’s an absolute love and it’s been a pleasure to be on Trudy duty.  It’s also helped to take my mind off the 9 year old Chinese girl who just gave birth to a baby…

Weather or not you want to

I’m telling you just yesterday I was sitting outside in my bikini bottoms and t-shirt trying to both scare my neighbors AND increase the amount of brown spots on my body because it was warm people.  This is LA and temperatures in the 70′s during any period of winter is normal.  The very next day the clouds parted in sheer force and did the storm come (that should have been said in English accent in honour of my favorite show, Downton Abbey).  Jenny had the day off and we had already been hit by hail walking near my house, which is just plain crazy, so we figured the smart thing to do was to put the dogs in the car and head up to the Angeles Forest where we’d find the eye of the storm.  It’s only a 35 minute drive up there when we see snow and more hail and the ranger tells us we can’t go further without chains so we turn back a mile to Switzer Canyon and take a little hike.  This is what happens 5 minutes later…

And this is what you get as a reward for braving the cold…Can your barista do this??

Adele

I can’t help but be suspicious.  My sister’s dog, ADELE, has been on this earth for 6 years.  She’s pretty amazing with a flair for the dramatic, beautiful in anything red and has a “special” voice that can make one…cry.  Word must have gotten out, crossing even the Atlantic Ocean apparently, because all of a sudden there is this new Adele who is intent on stealing her thunder.  Good luck with that.

A true original, rolling in the deep

It’s going to be a bumpy ride

Here’s the deal, Camille.  We’ve moved Bernie and Niu Niu back to the States permanently (both survived the flight, albeit weary, bitter and with pupils the size of Pakistan), we’re hanging out in LA for a few months, regaining our sanity, the ability to breathe clearly again and then we’re moving to NY where we’ll be “commuting” back and forth to China.  Tired yet?  I’m super excited because with all the airline traveling we’ll be doing we can add to Ken’s already very large collection of China Eastern pajamas and miniature toothbrushes accompanied by Barbie-sized toothpaste tubes of which we already have THOUSANDs.  Someone get me on the phone with TLC for the next episode of My Chinese Hoarder.

My sister and I will be driving the dogs across country to NY and if we’re still speaking to each other afterwards and haven’t been stabbed by bored goth kids at a rest stop in the midwest then I’ll be documenting it all with photographs and words in the form of music lyrics.   I know, you are over-joyed with excitement at the thought of this.

In the meantime I’ll be changing the blog over to a more comprehensive collection of travel stories, in-depth hotel and restaurant reviews, important pet tips and what shade of red lipstick is best when driving across country.  Really that was all just lies, vicious lies.  My blog is going to be the same hot mess of dog pictures, inane, petty stories and travel nightmares topped with a dollup of sarcasm.  I will be changing the name of the blog though…DUN, dun, dun.

You’ll just have to wait for that.

Hiking the Gabrielino Trail

Year of the Dragonian

I know, I know, I know, I have been quite remiss with the blogging and to all my readers (meaning my niece and my imaginary friend Lulu) I’m truly sorry.  I would typically blame it on the post-holiday malaise but this is simply not the case.  I was BUSY and I had no idea you can’t blog from your Ipad, really.

Anyhatefireworksmorethaneverhoo, We have a new Chinese New Year!  The Chinese are saying the year of the Dragon is a good thing, full of power and superiority, and I’m buying it so I’m really looking forward to the coming year.  I mean 1.3b people can’t be wrong…or can they??

This year is bringing lots of changes for me. But before we get into that, let’s have a little post holiday review.

Leaving Shanghai, I say goodbye to Kitties

Bernie and Niu Niu arrive in California

The drive to San Diego to meet my friend’s new baby, Beau

Beau, the Dragon child

A night of Blackwatch at Taix

On the Slopes with Mae

Sexy Snowmass Ski Socks

Encountering wild beasts on the trail

Really weird things to find on your hotel bed

A New life for Mao Mao (formerly known as Davey and Sick Kitty) living well in LA with Pink

Dear Santa

At first all I wanted this Christmas was for Newt Grinchwich (typo and it stays) to somehow lose his tongue in a freak accident which would render him speechless and unable to spew any more lies for the rest of his (my) life.  Is that wrong??

But then it hit me that while these nasty debates, snarky commentaries and back-and-forth bickering is driving me insane it sure is nice to see people passionate about their life, future and politics.  Especially when you live in a place that doesn’t have a choice and hasn’t for a very very very long time, if they even ever did.  Let me tell you, it takes all the life and individualism and passion out of a place.  Oh it’s here, but it’s hard to find…and for good reasons.

Santa, for Christmas I want the people to holler, debate, donate, hug your neighbor, love a God (or a dog whichever you prefer), care about the air you breathe and the food you eat, design something…new, stop buying crappy perfume that a cheap celebrity is hawking (I had to throw that in, sorry), and vote. Because you can.