World Wide Web (of lies)

When I first started in corporate america (cough*20 yrs ago*cough, cough) before everyone had email and we used to use rocks as eating utensils, I remember my boss getting those weird letters from Lagos, Nigeria about the $8 million they had tied up in a foreign account and needed a business partner outside the country to transfer the money to, and don’t tell anyone about this blah, blah, blah.   The first time I read one I was like, “is this for real?  wow!!!”.  I was young.  Later, when everyone had email, I would get these SAME letters saying the SAME thing but now of course they would just make me laugh at how stupid they are.  You know what I’m talking about because you got them too.

I got one recently that came through a little differently.  It was from a 23 yr. old girl in a Senegal.  She likes dogs and wanted to know what kind of dog I had.  She was a student.  Her father had died and she was living in a refugee camp, one with a computer and internet access apparently.  Then, I got a second letter, it included her picture.  She said she didn’t have anyone in her life except her pastor.  She included his telephone number because she could be reached through him.  She wanted to go to college, continue with her studies and then she said, I have an uncle who left me 8 MILLION DOLLARS IN A FOREIGN BANK ACCOUNT AND I NEED YOU TO HELP ME GET IT OUT.  WE WILL SHARE IT, BUT DON’T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS.   Gawd this is getting old…20 years or more…Stop it already.  Although, asking about the dog is a welcomed change.

On a positive WWW note, I received an email from the editor at the Pakistani Spectator. I know, I never thought I would be typing that either.  They are sending out questionnaires to bloggers from around the world to post in their blogging section.  I assumed they would only want smart, serious, innovative bloggers but I guess not because they posted mine.

Blogger questionnaire

It’s like Mexico…

but without the margarita’s, drunken “spring breakers” and general murder and mayhem. Mexico has always been my favorite place for fun in the sun.  So imagine how excited I was to find my “Chexico”.

We visited Hainan island this past weekend with friends and had the most amazing time.  It’s a beautiful, large island at the southernmost tip of China.  We were in Sanya, known for it’s beautiful hotels and beaches.  We passed through small farming villages, fishing towns and lot’s of lush vegetation.  There were animals roaming freely, a family of pot-pellied pigs, chickens, oxen, cows, etc.   The most delicious fruits grown locally and fresh caught fish.  The weather was warm and perfectly tropical.

Yalong Bay in Sanya

My sweet Chexican

I rented a jet-ski but it’s regulation that a “staff” person ride on the back.  So there’s basically a 12-year old boy with me, holding on for dear life.

Free Range

On the boat to the fishing village (it’s starting to feel a little “Apocalypse Now” if you know what I mean).

Captain on the lookout!

Fisheries

Very large squid.  I will have to pass on that.

Little Chexican’s

Lunchtime!

Phillip and Kate

Not at the fishing village anymore

When I was 4 yrs. old

and my parents were out to dinner one night, my older brother (I won’t mention any names) rolled up a small piece of cardboard into a cigarettelike form and told me to smoke it as he lit the other end with a match.  Besides singeing the tips of my eyelashes, I distinctly remember taking a big breath in (as my mother did on her long brown Mores) and choking up a lung.  See, back in the 1960’s when you had six children, you figure as a parent it’s likely you just might ‘lose” a child or two along the way and well, so be it.  We didn’t wear seatbelts, we played in the streets unnattended and/or a neighbor’s alcoholic uncle was sent over to babysit.

I think about this often in China when I see these parents and grandparents doting over their one child and how different it is for all of them.  So much effort and attention is put on the child…so much pressure too.    Every movement gets documented on camera. Education 6-7 days of week.  But who’s going to make them cardboard cigarettes?!  or tease them that they’ll NEVER be conductor of the family-room play train because they’re the baby?!   Or how you have to FIGHT for things like when you’re eating neopolitan ice cream and you don’t want to get stuck with only strawberry!

Huh?!

In today’s Shanghai Daily News it reads:

Woman hopes Alba face-lift gets boyfriend back

So this 21 yr. old girl living in Shanghai wants to win her boyfriend back, who’s completely obsessed with Jessica Alba.  He bought her a “Jessica Alba” wig for Christmas and made her wear it.  He also made her wear heavy makeup and false eyelashes.  People laughed at her so she threw the wig on the floor and broke up with him.  BUT, “It was heartbreaking after splitting with him…(he) gave me a feeling like a family…I don’t want to lose him”.  She also adds, “I am a psychologically weak person.  I want to do something to challenge myself and build a strong personality through it”.  SO, as she doesn’t have the money to pay for her “Jessica Alba face-lift” surgery, she posted an add online and The Shanghai Time Plastic Surgery Hospital contacted her and told her if she REALLY wants it done and she REALLY thinks it over, they’ll do it for her, free of charge.

Here’s a photo of her and with her Alba wig and false eyelashes

There is so much wrong with this story I don’t know where to begin.

A. If it’s that easy to get a free face-lift than why the hell haven’t I gotten mine.

B. There is so much wrong with this story I don’t know where to begin.

C. She DOES look kinda cute in that wig.

What am I always saying…

There’s danger around every corner in this town.

So I’m at Carrefour (the french version of “walmart” only better) and as I get to the bottom of the escalator my shoe string gets sucked into it…which I don’t realize until I hit the floor, flat on my face.  I have to crawl backwards to try to free my leg from the escalator. NOT ONE PERSON comes over to help me, thank you very much.   I did get some weird looks though.  Anyway, I did managed to pull my now-shredded shoestring out.

You know ironically, Shanghai is one of the safest cities ever…crimewise.  You could be dressed in a towel, punch drunk with the queen’s crown on your head and make it home safely.  (I mean, not that I would know that personally or anything).  But boy, you better make sure you have your damn shoes tied.

In the News

This is what I mean when I say we don’t need to worry about the “Pajama wearing situation” right now when there are BIGGER things that need to be addressed.

In Shanghai Daily News today it reads:

A man died and his wife injured after falling into an uncovered man hole this past Sunday night in Pudong New Area.  The couple had been walking home from a Funeral.

How incredibly sad.

“Move those bodies, nu ren!”

I was just sitting here contemplating botox vs. mini-facelift possibilities when this thought just hit me, I should start Jazzercise classes here.  I could have my leotards made here and lord knows you can buy tights around every corner in this town.  Expats AND Chinese ladies would love it and it’s so much more fun to move around to music than be on a treadmill. I would start the class off with  ”step touch and step touch” then “stretch to the sky, stretch to the sky” and then a series of pas-de-buerre’s to get warmed up while “She works hard for the money” blares in the background.   I’d shout out positive commands, “come on ladies, work it, you can do it”.

But then I was like, oh my god I’d have to come up with an HOUR routine and actually have to do it and it seemed like a lot right now.   I DO love a stir-up tight though.

Guess what

I’d like to apologize to my readers (and by readers I mean reader, my niece leah who probably doesn’t even read this mess anymore) for not being a more regular blogger.  I know you’re all (ahem, Leah) hanging on every second for my next blog but it’s just that I’ve been busy!  I know it would appear that I have more time on my hands than any other person on the face of the earth sometimes, but I swear I’ve been busy.

A. I’m pet-sitting Charlotte (2 dogs + 2 walks a day + 2 feedings a day + 2 poops squared divided by constant barking = one tired mamma)

B.  I had some house-holdy type things to do

C.  Natalie is feeling better and she can get coffee now

D. I FINALLY HAD VISITORS TO ENTERTAIN!!!

We’ve been out and about going to galleries, bars, restaurant’s, bars and bars.

Cassandra and Isaac at Moganshan Lu Art District

The Happy Couple having dinner at Balthazar

Drinks at Bell

Waiter with bright purple shirt and a smile

This looks like something out of the Paris Match society pages

and I’m not kidding

If I had a penny for every Chinese person traveling during the Chinese New Year…I’d have about $210 million.  Bah dump ba.

Friendship and Gall Bladders

So my friend Natalie is minding her own business when all of sudden she starts feeling bad, which turns into horrible and then before you know it she calls from the hospital.  She has gall stones with an acute infection.  You never think about your gall bladder until something like this happens, which I will now be referring to as “the nerve bladder” or better “the audacity bladder”.

She’s feeling better now and home from the hospital but will have to have her gall bladder removed next month.   But that’s the easy part.  For the next month she’ll have to exist on a diet of no fat, salt or alcohol.  I know, I’m like how is that even possible.    But then I had this thought  that maybe I should give up alcohol with her (shut up Jenny), be a cheelader of sorts, help her get through this.  But then Natalie said in all her wisdom,  ”no, one day something like this may happen to you and YOU’LL have to give up alcohol..l would just wait until that happens”.   THAT’S friendship.  Cheers to you Natalie!

(and anyway, her mom is here visiting so I can always sneak away for fried calamari and dirty martini’s with her…)