Clean air, bamboo forests…and chickens

WARNING:  This story is not for the faint of heart or anyone vegetarian.  (Yes, Jenny already knows about this)

This past weekend was spent at the rustically lovely, eco resort, Naked Retreats and no, it’s not a nudist colony.  After a 3-hour drive south of Shanghai, this small bungalow type hotel is nestled among the bamboo forests in an area called Moganshan and it’s beautiful.  The manager, Doug, is American but most of the people handling the day-to-day operations are local villagers who live in houses dotted amongst the resort.  They cook wonderful dishes from the most fresh ingredients like eggs, local organic vegetables… and chicken.   The chickens sleep in coups at night but during the day they roam free and happy until someone’s crazy city dog gets a hold of one.   On our last morning while Ken had Bernie out for a quick walk, Bernie spotted about 25 chickens and roosters walking about 50 yards down the path.  He darted after them, chased them mercilessly and then before Ken could catch up, he got one in his mouth and shook it like only a rat terrier can.  He, the chicken, wasn’t dead but would have to be “put down”.  Our bungalow’s “Ayi” was there when it happened and brought the half-dead chicken to our bungalow, literally carrying it like it was a Louis Vuitton handbag (although they don’t tend to look you in the eye), to find out how we wanted it prepared for our trip home to Shanghai.   We paid her for the chicken and told her to keep it, thank you very much.  The manager told us we paid generously for the chicken and was surprised we didn’t keep it.  Which may explain why 15 minutes later I saw the Ayi and a few other villagers having a smoke and a very good laugh.  Ken wasn’t laughing so much and Bernie has a new fury in his eyes.  I found out later that this has happened more than once and the villagers don’t seem to mind as they make out pretty well.  We, on the other hand, will never be the same.   That little dog that’s afraid of his shadow, balloon’s and plastic bags blowing in the wind is a cold-blooded killer.

Look, it wasn’t a beauty contest, okay?!

Murderer in the Mist

Man Make Fire

Unknowing victims in our backyward

Amazing views and hiking

A Killer rests

You better shop around

Many years ago my sister and I were driving along La Brea Blvd. when we stopped at a red light and on the corner there was a store called “The Rocking Chair Store”.   From the passenger seat, my sister glanced over at the store and said, “when I look at that store I feel nauseous”.   I thought it odd that there would be a store that sold only one thing.  Remember that Saturday Night Live skit about the store that only sold scotch tape?  People kept coming in and asking for staples…or nails…or duct tape but no, only scotch tape.

Shanghai has so many streets where there are tiny, one-off shops that sell specialty items.  It’s really fun to wander each street, you can find gems around every corner.  Fruit, jewelry, tea and sometimes you come across the shop with the live fish, frogs and chickens but I don’t look at those if I can help it.

Specialty Greek store of all things

Hmmmmm

I’ve always loved a dark, seedy bar.  (Alison is rolling her eyes because I used to make her go to the Alexandria Hotel in downtown LA when it was absolutely NOT SAFE to do so)

Get Well Soon, Natalie

Tomorrow is the day that Natalie must say goodbye to her Audacity (read gall) Bladder.   I mean listen folks, that’s what happens when you get in the way of a Texan and their red meat.  Buhbye!

I am wishing her the most speedy recovery!  (whisper because Ken will be gone next week and she’s the only friend I have to spend time with…Wahhhh!!!!)

Your attention please

You probably think I posted this picture because there are pigeons in a bright pink cage atop a scooter.  No, no, NO!  I merely wanted to show you that the Chinese people have their cellphones glued to their heads just like everybody else!  I was getting a massage the other day (I know, my life is very stressful) and the woman in the room next to me not only answers her ringing phone but then talks for like 5 minutes!  I scared myself because I managed to have murderous images during a massage.  So let’s have a serious thought for the day (because I only HAVE one serious thought per day), can we please take a moment to think about our own cellphone usage and how we may be offending others?!  Thanks.

Now, what in the world is that guy doing with those pigeons on his scooter???

Blog Day Afternoon

In the news:

Zhengzhou City Commerce officials are imposing requirements for the humane slaughter of pigs.  ”The pig deserves at least 12 hours of being alone, some walking, patting and music to help them relax” before being slaughtered.

Dr. Wine

It’s a new wine bar that opened in French Concession and I loooove it.  Small menu with very good food and all the favorites, charcuterie, cheese plate, salads, quiche and a nice selection of wines ranging from really reasonably priced wines by the glass to the most high-end bottles.   Nice wine bar downstairs, tables and private wine-tasting room upstairs.  And even though I’m always saying wine is my personal cure-all, I really don’t like the name, I can’t help it.  Other than that, it’s wonderful.

To my great displeasure

While reading the Shanghai Daily News today I came across the following headline, “Lohan May Reconcile with Lesbian Lover”.  Well, the Chinese can now rest easier knowing that!  I did not come halfway across the world to have to read about that GD mess.

“Pleeeease, don’t let this feeling end”

I have a fresh cup of coffee and bowl of cereal and I’m waiting for the Women’s Figure Skating Finals.  If I were in California watching this, it would be evening and I would be enjoying a nice syrah or perhaps, a bucket of margaritas, the ONLY way to watch this skating novella. I am giving a side-eye to the doggie valium I still have leftover from Chinese New year.  Back to figure skating, this final has it all and will provide plenty of action and drama needed:

A. the Korean and Japanese rivals performing near perfect short programs taking 1st and 2nd.

B. the canadian who’s mother sadly passed away days before the event skated beautifully to an enthusiastic and emotional crowd.

C. the skater from Estonia wearing the most unbelievably hideous costume in the history of all skating costumes.  Come on Estonia, give your ice princesses what they deserve, a swarovski crystal-encrusted, black, backless number and it wouldn’t hurt to throw in a make-up artist from the MAC counter! Geezuz.

Vivacious

That’s the word that was haunting me this morning when I woke up.  Not just any vivacious, but the one from the scene in Saturday Night Fever where John Travolta is having a conversation with the “girl from the other side of the bridge” and she keeps saying “it’s just so vuhvacious livin’ ovah heah…my dance teachah, you know, he’s really vuhvacious”.  I don’t know why exactly that was in my head but I think it’s a good word to describe my last few days of Shanghai during Chinese New Year.  I should mention that the day before that I woke up thinking about soap on a rope.

We visited an island off Shanghai, Chong Ming.  It’s about 1 1/2 hours drive and they’ve recently completed a bridge so you can drive to it rather than take a ferry.  There is a huge park in the middle of the island called Dong Ping AND THEY LET DOGS IN IT!!!  Unbelievable, and really fun.

Grass Skating (??)

Shopping and Sightseeing in Pudong

I might need a Xanax for this…

Ugh boots

View from the top of the Jin Mao hotel looking down…yikes

Qi zi qing chi on a Sunday afternoon

China Schmina already

The Shanghai Expo 2010  marketing team has been working overtime and they’ve been hanging posters, flags, podiums, whatever doesn’t move basically with their newest slogan, “The Wind is Blowing China’s Way”.  While I tend to agree with that statement, let’s just hope that wind is hard enough to blow some of this pollution out of the way for godssakes.

Speaking of China, did any of you catch the Olympic pair’s figure skating?!  I didn’t think so.  My inner West Hollywood gay man always comes out  during this event.   I get completely into it, critique each costume and wonder, “Why, why, WHY is she wearing that and what is going on with that HAIR”, go insane with each misstep and fall, fits of anxiety waiting for the scores and then cry at the outcome.   I don’t know where this comes from, I’ve always been a rollerskater myself.  So China took the Gold and Silver medal, in case you had better things to do.  The winning couple were unbelievable and totally dominated it.  However, Chinese television has replayed the routine so many times in the last 24 hours I can now replicate the entire routine in my living room.

Year of the Tiger!

In case you were wondering…

it’s my birthday today and poor Ken has to carry the burden all on his own.  This is my first birthday away from my family in all my 38 years.  Anysonot38yearsoldhoo, there will be no family BBQ or mother’s pesto or chocolate cake from Ralphs.  No Starbuck’s gift cards.  No having to “share” my celebration with my 19 year old niece, Lauren, who does have a tendency to steal one’s spotlight. Well I’m not one to make things about me anyway. So everyone, this year is going to be a “no gifts please” year.   Okay?   This year is all about making donations!   So instead of a birthday gift, I would like all of you to please make a donation to my plastic surgeon.   Thank you.

(I love you and miss you friends and family)

Xin Nian Kuai Le!!!

That’s happy new year to you and me.  So it’s here, my first Chinese New Year.  I’m excited and a little…nervous.  I think there may be a reason every expat books a ticket outside the country for the next week or so.  So far though, the streets are quiet and it’s really peaceful.  But apparently starting tonight, it’s supposed to be like the Disneyland Summer Parade Fireworks explosion on crack + 40,000 M80’s with a little Gaza strip action and that’s Chinese New Year in Shanghai.  I had to take Bernie to the vet the other day and I was telling him I’m really worried about the noise.  He said it’s really bad and gave me a packet of valium and I was like, “oh my god, thank you so much, this will really help, AND I just bought some good scotch and they go great together!”.  He was like, this is for Bernie.  Then he tells me that getting the dose correct is really important because if it’s not enough he won’t be sleepy, he’ll feel “awake and invincible”.   Great.  So then do we take him clubbing?   To a gay bar?  Whatever, I like my original plan a LOT more.  Okayyyyyy, Mathew McConnahayyyyyyy.

To start the holiday off right, Natalie, Margaret, Davis and I made cupcakes!

Sugar High

Coming Down…

Yummy!!!