musingmandarin.com

You can’t go home

admin — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 14:09:17 +0000

Well, actually you can. and I did. I mean I am. Oh, what is home anyway?? Home used to be the place where my mom and dad lived until I turned 18 and my mom couldn’t wait for me to GET OUT ALREADY. Hey, I was the last of 6 kids and you’d feel that way too if you had to raise those first 5! (I just felt 10 collective eyeballs roll back in their head). But what I mean is, when you’re an expat, where is home? We’ve been in Shanghai now for a year and it sure feels like home…until we come back to California and see family and then THAT feels like home. I guess it’s like the song says…”home is where the heart is” or better “where the chips and margaritas are”.

Some fun-in-the-sun California pix

Zuma Beach, Mae and her daddy

The Southern Californian Palms

A family gathering in Newport Harbour

Phoebe and Macy, respectively

This just in…

admin — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 06:19:14 +0000

“Dating TV Blamed for Exalting Materialism”

Dating TV shows have become quite popular in China in recent years. One poor lad, a 24-year-old apprentice lawyer who was recently a contestant on the show, “If You Are the One”, had actually signed up for the show to find…love. Yes that’s what I said, true love. But when all 24 girls rejected him because he didn’t own a house OR a car, he was left disgusted and disillusioned. He said, ”I had sincerely hoped to find a nice girlfriend on the stage, but I did not expect those girls to be so ‘money-worshiping’ and blunt”.

And so a statement was issued:

China’s media watchdog, State Administration of Radio, Film and Television, issued a stern notice recently, strictly regulating these programs.

“Incorrect social and love values such as money worship should not be presented in the shows. Humiliation, verbal and physical attacks and sex-implied vulgar contents should not be allowed,” the notice said.

That statement right there would basically shut down every American reality television show. Fine.

On that note my dear readers, Musing Mandarin will be in Los Angeles visiting family for a few days. I leave you with my favorite picture of Adele overlooking the LA skyline…

What’s going on over there?!

admin — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 08:16:25 +0000

It seems like everyone in America right now has a case of the ANGRYs!

I’m here living in Shanghai where it’s been over 100 degrees with 100% humidity and 19 million people live, work, scooter, eat, spit and tai chi every day. I don’t speak the language (well, a little), they sneak chicken feet into vegetable dishes and my hairdresser uses his scruffy towel to rub out a big sun spot on my forehead because he thinks it’s hair dye and YOU GUYS ARE ANGRY?!

Goodness. I’m reading through my morning internet news and you’ve got flight attendants throwing F-bombs over the intercom, Laura Schlessingwhatever throwing N-bombs (and she calls herself a “Doctor”!), a republican congressional candidate tweets that his opponent is a “turban topper” (?), Whoopi Goldberg fighting with that kooky koo DC couple and don’t even get me started on that (juicy) mess called Mel Gibson. He mad.

Let’s all take a moment out to breeeeeathe. Look on the brightside. Kiss a dog. Find the beauty in wrinkles. Hike! Offer a helping hand. Give a smile. Breathe again. Throw back 6 shots of Patron with a codeine chaser and settle the hell down. GOT IT??!!!

A few of my peacekeepers…

A drink at Bell bar with Amy

A new, beautiful restaurant that’s filled with art

Browsing cute shops filled with clothes that will only fit tiny Asian girls

And of course…

Fun-o-rama!

admin — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 07:07:21 +0000

This orange beauty (with the old bag sitting on it) is our new Scooteretta! She’s beautiful and electric, meaning you just have to plug her into a wall socket every now and then and go, go, go. It’s so much fun and after having ridden my bike here for the last 10 months, I’m much more comfortable with the street traffic and the (complete lack of) rules. I love her color, it’s called Arancione and it’s somewhere between Orangina and the coral lipstick my mother had in 1968.

You don’t need a driver’s license for an electric scooter here and thank goodness for that because I would never pass a Chinese driver’s test. My examiner would be like, “what? why you stop at RED LIGHT?”…”step on gas really hard to beat bus up the freeway ramp!”…”it okay to hit slow people!!!”.

Speaking of driving in China, I don’t think this is what Mr. Mercedes had in mind when he was designing his cars.

A Hello Kitty sticker??? Is the driver under the age of 12? And what are those troll thingy’s on the center console?

I just really don’t understand these things…although kudos on finding a pink steering wheel cover.

Now back to the Scooteretta…

The Italian loafers are a perfect touch to this really

97 degrees, feels like 107

admin — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 00:37:23 +0000

I can’t decide if these people are simply melting from the heat or crying out in protest at how expensive a piece of Godiva chocolate is in this town. I was dying for some chocolate the other day but I was too embarrassed to buy just one piece but didn’t have 80 million dollars to buy two!

Speaking of heat, our new little Niu Niu is in HEAT! She was all set to be spayed this week but she had already begun the process and now they won’t do the surgery for 6 weeks. THAT is why you’re supposed to spay and neuter no later than 6 months people, don’t get me started on that mess. I feel like I need to get Niu Niu a chastity belt when we go outside for our walks with those roaming males out there. And if you can believe, MY Bernie, lover of interpretive dance, the smell of fresh lavender and long remixes of the Pet Shop Boys (you get the picture) got all crazy-eyed and started humping her like there really was no tomorrow in sight. Mind you, Niu Niu wasn’t exactly acting like it was a bother. I told Jenny if this continues I’m buying Bernie some single malt scotch and cigarettes and sending Niu Niu to the nunnery and that’s that!

Lost in Proverbialization

admin — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 05:19:38 +0000

There’s a Chinese saying, “if the eyes are the window to one’s soul, then the brows are the crown molding”.

Not really, I just made that up. Growing up my mother spoke mostly in sayings, “a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush”, “money doesn’t grow on trees”, “so if you’re friend jumped off a cliff would you do that too??!”. When you have a civilization dating back more than 5,000 years you’re going to have a collection of many wise people saying many wise things. Lord, I bet those Chinese mothers can go on and on and on…

Par example:

“Give a fish to a man; he has food for a day.
Teach a man to fish; he learns a skill for life”

“Good luck seldom comes in pairs but bad things never walk alone”.

“Men should worry about fame just as pigs about being fat”.

“Even the most resourceful housewife cannot create miracles from a riceless pantry” (I would have to replace “riceless” with “olive oilless”).

Oh, and by the way, never sign your name with red ink, you will get slapped hard. I don’t know why you can’t, but I know it’s really bad because I tried to do it the other day.

Here’s a photo I took in Beijing of a water calligraphy artist, he’s probably painting something wise but I will never know…

Katydid or didn’t she?!

admin — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 10:55:13 +0000

Well these Katydids do…and do they ever. At the park across the street from our house you can hear what must be a huge collection of Katydids “singing” along as each breeze passes by. When I’m walking the dogs outside their chorus is so loud sometimes I almost can’t hear anything else, which is an amazing feat in this town of constant car horns, rusty bicycle brakes and couples yelling at each other (which is just a normal thing for Shanghainese couples, nothing to be concerned about). It’s pretty darn hot and humid now, meng ru as they say, but when the sun starts to go down and the evening breeze kicks in it’s the perfect time to put on your summer jammies and go for a stroll and listen to the Katydids sing you a lullaby.

Come on, you KNEW I was going to throw in doggie pictures!

Another ancient language is lost

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 01:50:51 +0000

Long before the days of LOL, LMAO, WTF and , there was Pig Latin. Apparently they aren’t “teaching” it in the 4th grade anymore because kids don’t need to talk to each other to tell secrets, they can text, IM, email or the like. No longer do you have to hunch over your desk to whisper in your friend’s ear “I atehay athycay” or “obbybay is itchinbay”, you can simply twitter it so the whole world can know. Last month when Ken’s daughter was visiting, I let a little Pig Latin slip out and she was like, “um, I don’t even get what that is”. I just shrug my shoulders and try to find some comfort in my blackberry.

And it’s not any different in China. So you’ll see the recycle man on his 20 year old rusted bike with the rickety trailer on the back and he has an old bronze bell that he rings by hand to let the shops know he’s coming by for a pick up where he then over piles the recyclables on the trailer and ties them together with bamboo string. And then his cellphone rings…you can’t help but notice because Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance is his ringtone. Maybe it’s his wife calling to let him know “tonight is bunko night with the girls” or maybe it’s just a buddy telling him to meet him after work for some bai jiu. LOL

And now I’m throwing in some gratuitous doggie pix, WTF???

You know you’re in China when…

admin — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 03:59:18 +0000

It’s necessary to have an entire clinic devoted to…

Next to the…

Paperdolls

admin — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 01:25:20 +0000

I’m so old (bah dump pah) that when I was young they still hadn’t invented the perforated paperdoll outfits, we had to cut them out of the book BY HAND!!! Those darn slip-on heels and pocketbooks were so hard, I didn’t even bother with the sunglasses. You know now that I think about it, maybe my mom just bought them because they were cheaper!

AnynowonderIhavecarpeltunnelhoo, in much more important paperdoll news, the band, Paperdoll, is coming to China! This “nerdy rock pop band” who’s sound is somewhere b’twixt “Pat Benatar meets the Killers” is coming all the way from New York to play for us here in Shanghai! So cut the neck out of your favorite sweatshirt and gel up your asymmetrical do ’cause Paperdoll is coming to town.

Here’s the line up:

August 6th, 2010
Frexh 2010
Mao Livehouse (570 Huaihai West Rd)
Shanghai, China
8p

August 10th, 2010
World Expo: USA Pavilion Stage
3588, Pudong Rd
Shanghai, China
10am

August 10th, 2010
World Expo: USA Pavilion Stage
3588, Pudong Rd
Shanghai, China
11am

August 10th, 2010
World Expo: America Square
Block C07
3588, Pudong Rd
Shanghai, China
7:30p

August 10th, 2010
World Expo: America Square
Block C07
3588, Pudong Rd
Shanghai, China
8:30p

August 11th, 2010
World Expo: USA Pavilion Stage
3588, Pudong Rd
Shanghai, China
10am

August 11th, 2010
World Expo: USA Pavilion Stage
3588, Pudong Rd
Shanghai, China
11am